Michael Miramontes Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Anyone have any zingers, quips, wisecracks, or one-liners they want to share? It's always nice having some jokes to pass around on set while we ALL wait for lighting and camera to setup. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jason porter Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 When someone's phone rings during a take- "if it's work, you're available" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angelo Waldron Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 While camera is monkeying around, have boom op say to them, in serious, straight, loud tone of voice.. "If you see my boom in the shot, go tighter!" When they laugh, have a little laugh with them, and then stare through them and say "I wasn't kidding." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syncsound Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 When waiting on a lens change, sigh loudly and say "another costly camera delay." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smiley Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 what does MIDI stand for? Mine Isn't Doing It Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Olle Sjostrom Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Whenever I'm on a red shoot, and cameras prepping, i say "i thought you guys were REDdy" Hmmm.. Not that funny I guess. But red isn't funny ever so it evens out Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfisk Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 I like Toline's line: "A lack of planning on your part does not necessitate a crisis on my part" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BWilson Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Why don't DOP's smoke? Because it would take them all day to light it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jack Norflus Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Why are there horses on the Teamsters logo? Because they both sleep standing up. How do you know when a Teamster dies? The doughnut falls out of his hand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cinetj Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 On a french set, if you are a boom operator: - Comment ça va? - La perche! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eric Toline Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 How tall is a sound mixer? No one knows, they've never seen one standing up. Eric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kevin Ward Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Two producers are having lunch together. A beautiful blond waitress comes to take their order. As she is walking away the 1st producer says to the other "You know I screwed her". The second producer replies "Really, Out of what?" Sorry if it's a little too blue. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toy Robot Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 Two producers are having lunch together. A beautiful blond waitress comes to take their order. As she is walking away the 1st producer says to the other "You know I screwed her". The second producer replies "Really, Out of what?" Sorry if it's a little too blue. It's hilarious. I'm going to tell this until the day I keel over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JimMansen Posted July 12, 2012 Report Share Posted July 12, 2012 So.... three soundmen are walking down the street. The first says "Boy is sure is windy today." The second says "No, No. It's Thursday!" The third says, "Yeah, me too. Let's go get a beer." ******************** Then there is the sound man that tells his fellow mixer that he just got brand new hearing aids. "Wow, that's great", he says "What did they cost you?" "$3,000 each," he replies. "My God, man. $3,000! What kind is it?" "2:30." He replies. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peter Mega Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 What's the difference between God and a camera man? God doesn't think he's a camera man... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Max Futterman Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 An oldie but goldie: Why does thunder always follow lightning? Because even God has to wait on sound." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Ragon Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 Three blond actresses on the set. First one tells the others, "You know how you get ahead in this biz? You F#ck the director.." Second blond says, ".. you dummy..thats not how you get ahead, everyone knows the director is just a crew person.. no, I'm going to f#ck the producer..", Third blond looks at the others, "oh you guys don't know anything.. I'm going to f#ck the sound guy!".. The first two blonds have this look on their face.. "What??". Third blond continues, ".. well, everyone on the set says, "f#ck the sound guy, I just figured thats who you go to.." -Richard sorry.. if offensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Martin Kittappa Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 Michael Bay is making a new movie about gun toting explosion making music composers. Stalone, Willis and Schwartzenegger show up for the casting. Stalone says that he wants to read for part of Beethoven, Bruce steps up and says that he's rather keen on playing Mozart. Michael looks at Arnie and asks- What about you? Arnie replies 'I'll be Bach!' Bada boom! You've been a wonderful audience thank you very much! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pampasound Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 great jokes people!!! +1 to richard' joke keep them coming! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
syncsound Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 What's the difference between a sound mixer and a genny? The genny stops whining at the end of the day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richard Ragon Posted July 13, 2012 Report Share Posted July 13, 2012 When sound guys are doing test.. they say, "Check 1, Check 2".. Do you know why it never gets to check 3? getting to 3 would insinuate some kind of lifting.. -Richard Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John Steigerwald Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 What's the difference between a PA and a Grip? The PA can spell Grip. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimPitot Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 Why can't Stevie Wonder see any of his mates? Because he's married. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jay Rose Posted July 14, 2012 Report Share Posted July 14, 2012 When sound guys are doing test.. they say, "Check 1, Check 2"... When producers do a test, they say "It's in the mail. Really. 1" "It's in the mail. Really. 2..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael Miramontes Posted July 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 When producers do a test, they say "It's in the mail. Really. 1" "It's in the mail. Really. 2..." This has to be the best one yet!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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