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For the benefit of those who didn't catch it in time. It's a long read, but great art is worth the effort.

Producer's Assistant for Real Superman Show (Downtown)

Hi, I am a reality show producer looking for an assistant for a Real Superman Show.

I'm going to explain what this show is about because I'm looking for someone who understands the concept that I'm working with here.

If you're interested I ask you to please read this very long full show description: this is a very high concept reality show and I need someone who gets what I'm working on here and not someone who just shows up and ends up being in over their head because they didn't read the concept and didn't understand what this is all about.

This is a very long job ad because this is an extremely high concept show and I need someone who can handle very high concept material and can take this all in in one ad because this is the level of complexity that this show is going to be operating on.

The basic premise of this show is that Clark Kent/Superman and all the characters in the DC Universe are all fictional portrayals of actual real people in our world and I believe that by determining who they

are in reality it is possible to create a Superman Reality Show that is basically like a reality show version of the DC Universe in many ways.

Like for example, I believe that the real Lex Luthor is Rupert Murdoch while the real LexCorps is News Corps and so in the show Rupert Murdoch is just Lex Luthor and News Corps is LexCorps.

And then like the real Lois Lane is Ashley Arenson while the real Lana Lang is Gillian Zinser from Beverly Hills 90210, while the real Bruce Wayne is Kanye West, the real Vicki Vale is Kim Kardashian, and the real Alfred Pennyworth is actually Kris Jenner because sometimes in fictional comics a woman may be portrayed as a man so while Bruce Wayne is a white billionaire and Alfred is his butler in the comic, in the real life DC Universe Bruce Wayne is Kanye West, a black superstar rapper, and Alfred is actually his mother­in­law Kris Jenner.

It's basically like the real people may be different in some ways but the core nature of the characters remains the same, so for Bruce Wayne the core nature is he is this high status playboy figure which could be a white billionaire or a black rapper and Alfred is this more laid back quiet figure of support in his life which could be his male butler or his female mother­in­law, so Kanye and Kris work as the real life Bruce and Alfred because the core nature of the characters and their relationship are what matter here.

And with Vicki Vale she's this sex symbol superstar reporter and that's pretty much who Kim is in essence because as a reality show star she is like a superstar media personality which is the same in essence as being a reporter and Kim is like a sex symbol like Kim Basinger's Vicki Vale so the core nature of the Vicki Vale character is the same in real life as it is in the DC Universe comic, just she's a reality show star instead of a girl who is a T.V. reporter but she's still basically Vicki Vale on the fundamental level of who Vicki Vale is.


Sometimes the genders also switch from male to female, so for example with Perry White who's the editor in chief of The Daily Planet, I determined that the real Perry White is actual a black girl named Lufi Paris who currently works at Facebook, and with that it's like when the original Perry White character was created it was a long time ago before women had acquired a lot of power in the working world so the real Perry White can easily be a black woman instead of a man because the core essence of Perry White's character in Superman is not gender dependent. Like Perry White was originally a white man, then in the recent Man of Steel Perry was a black man played by Laurence Fishburne, and then in Real Superman Perry White is actual a black woman named Lufi Paris who's from Facebook because that's how things evolve from the comic book to the real DC Universe in real life.

Then with The Daily Planet the real life Daily Planet is actually a film production company called Red Line Studios which is in downtown Manhattan because again it's just the core nature of the company that remains the same so The Daily Planet in Superman is a media company which delivers news to the people and Red Line Studios is a film production company which creates documentaries which deliver news to the people just like newspapers do and so The Real Daily Planet could be a film production company instead of a newspaper because they are both media companies and it's the same basic kind of company that it is in the comic book.

Then because Clark Kent/Superman is a guy who works at The Daily Planet who is actually Superman the real Clark Kent/Superman is also just a guy who works at this real Daily Planet company which is Red Line Studios because the real Clark Kent/Superman will end up working at the real Daily Planet just like in the comic.

Now the key here is that I've determined the way to do this kind of show is kind of like you just have to build it and they will come like in Field of Dreams as in I believe that you need Lex Luthor actually in the show and Lex is Rupert Murdoch who is this really high status guy in New York City and we can't waste time actually trying to contact Rupert Murdoch's people to ask them if he wants to be in the show, we just have to create the show and put Rupert in the basic show's mythology as the real Lex Luthor and that will cause him to show up in the actual show rather than the old fashioned way of asking him if he wants to be in the show because that isn't the way we do things with this kind of thing.

Rupert Murdoch is not a guy that you can call him up and ask him if he wants to be in a reality show, you just have to figure out that he's the real Lex Luthor and that News Corps is LexCorps and figure out who Superman is and then just do the show as a Real Superman Reality Show and this will cause Rupert Murdoch to appear in the show as the real Lex Luthor, like I believe Rupert will actually show up and be a main figure in the show but we can't worry about getting his confirmation in a real way before the show is already being made.

And then the other characters from Superman end up appearing as figures in the other characters' lives, so for example a main character in Superman is Mercy Graves who is Lex Luthor's personal bodyguard and I have determined that the real Mercy Graves is Wendi Murdoch who is Rupert's ex­wife and so that means Wendi would end up in real Superman as the real Mercy Graves but again she's not someone we can contact directly, you just have to build it and they will come like Field of Dreams basically.

And for the most part if someone is a major high status person related to another character they end up also being someone in Superman, so like Wendi Murdoch is always hanging out with Ivanka Trump and based on that I figured out that Ivanka Trump is a character from the Superman animated series called Volcana who's like this pyrokinetic character who can fly and manipulate fire and our theory is that there is some real psychological mechanism that causes the people to end up in the reality show such as like Wendi Murdoch wants to be famous and Mercy Graves is a major cool character to be so she'll want to be in it as Mercy Graves and Volcana is also this really cool sexy female character who's sort of an anti­hero who sometimes is bad and sometimes is one of the good guys so Ivanka would want to be Volcana because it's a cool character to be and they would just end up dragging Rupert Murdoch into it as Lex Luthor so they can be famous as the real Mercy Graves and Volcana.


And then Ivanka already works with Matt Pellowski who runs Red Line Studios which is the real Daily Planet sometimes so they end up already knowing these people in reality where like if Ivanka is Volcana and Wendi is Mercy Graves they will just already have some real social connection to someone in the project and in their case it's that Ivanka already personally knows Matt Pellowski who's the real producer who created the real Daily Planet and that's the real world social connection that would facilitate them ending up in the show somehow without us having to approach or contact them directly in any way.

Now it's important for my personal assistant to understand who I am that I am able to figure this stuff out and do this: I actually developed the ability to figure out who the real characters are in real life after I made the discovery that I myself am a real version of a fictional character and that's that I am actually the real Harry Potter. I basically one day just figured out that Harry Potter was a fictional version of me and that Hogwart's was a fictional version of my old boarding school Phillips Exeter Academy when I realized all the signs were there: like I have an actual lightning scar on my forehead that's the same as Harry Potter's lightning scar in the book which I got under mysterious circumstances and all the characters in Harry Potter are real people from Phillips Exeter such as the fact my old dorm head Townley Chisholm who was real uptight and always busting me for everything is the real Severus Snape and then the school's current principal Thomas Hassan is actually the real Albus Dumbledore and Mr. Chisholm and Principal Hassan really are just the real life versions of Severus Snape and Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter because Phillips Exeter is actually the real life Hogwart's.

So creating this show is not something I think anyone can do, I believe it's like a special ability I have that no one else really has based on the fact that I am the real life Harry Potter and it was kind of crazy because when I figured it out my family had already known for a while but I didn't figure this out until some time after a lot of other people in my life already knew it, and from there I was able to determine who the real Superman and the real Batman and the real Lex Luthor were and that I could make a reality show version of Superman and The DC Universe by knowing who the real figures were.

And then New York City is actually just the real Metropolis because all the cities are real cities in real life so Metropolis is just a fictional version of New York City in the same way Lana Lang is a fictional version of Gillian Zinser and Lex Luthor is a fictional version of Rupert Murdoch.

It's actually something I've discovered that pretty much most fictional characters have some real life version in our world who is usually alive today, so like if you take Ivanka Trump who is Volcana in Superman, she's married to Jared Kushner who owns the New York Observer and I determined that Jared is actually the real Charles Foster Kane from Orson Welles' classic Citizen Kane. Like the way it works is that Orson had some prophetic vision of Jared Kushner many, many years ago and Orson basically created a mythic portrayal of Jared Kushner as Charles Foster Kane a long time ago but in real life Jared Kushner just is the real Citizen Kane and he's exactly like Orson's Charles Foster Kane character in real life.

And sometimes characters are more than one person because they have multiple mythic portrayals, so with Ivanka Trump who is Volcana in Superman she's also the main character of Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged because Ivanka Trump is actually the real Dagny Taggart, so if you have someone who's a major figure like Ivanka who's Volcana they will often have more than one mythic form and in Ivanka's case she's both Volcana in Superman and also the main character of Atlas Shrugged as Dagny Taggart and The Trump Organization is actually the real Taggart Transcontinental. So in Atlas Shrugged Taggart Transcontinental is a transcontinental railroad and in real life it's The Trump Organization which is a transcontinental real estate development company which is a real life version of Taggart Transcontinental and Ivanka is a Vice President at The Trump Organization just like how Dagny Taggart is a Vice President at her family's Taggart Transcontinental business in Atlas Shrugged. And then there's just the whole Superman tie­in where Dagny is also Volcana and she runs with Wendi Murdoch who's Mercy Graves and Rupert who's Lex Luthor so it all comes together where Atlas Shrugged now has a cross character tie­in to The DC Universe and then Dagny is marred to the real Citizen Kane who's Jared Kushner so Citizen Kane, Atlas Shrugged, and Superman are all connected in real life.


Then there's always an answer to the obvious questions, so with this the obvious question is: wait, so who is Donald Trump in Superman? And the answer is that Donald Trump is the real Gorilla Grodd, because you know if Ivanka is Volcana and Trump is Taggart Transcontinental that Donald Trump has to be a huge character in Superman too and in fact he is, he's Gorilla Grodd, one of the biggest characters in all of Superman.

And there's always a real world cross­over to the truth, so with Gorilla Grodd he's kind of this ridiculous character who's a giant gorilla and Donald Trump is sort of a comical, ridiculous figure in real life in many ways just like Gorilla Grodd is in Superman.

And it goes from East Coast to West Coast where you'll have this Metropolis Superman crew with Rupert Murdoch as Lex Luthor, Wendi Murdoch as Mercy Graves, and Ivanka Trump as Volcana and Donald Trump as Gorilla Grodd and then it will have the West Coast Kardashian connection where Kanye West is Bruce Wayne, Kim Kardashian is Vicki Vale, and Kris Jenner is Alfred Pennyworth so in the real DC Universe you have both The Trumps and The Kardashians as major characters and The Trumps are more from Superman whereas the Kardashians are more from Batman.

And then if you have Kanye as Batman you already know that Jay­Z and Beyonce and Rihanna are going to be in it, and it turns out that Jay­Z is actually Lucius Fox, Roc­A­Fella is the real Wayne Industries, Beyonce is the Helena Bertinelli version of The Huntress, and Rihanna is Poison Ivy, which means logically that Nicki Minaj is of course the Halle Berry version of Catwoman.

And from here it's all logic to a certain point where, "OK, so Nicki's the Halle Berry Catwoman and Rihanna's Poison Ivy, then who are Eminem and Drake?"

And it turns out that Drake is the Tim Drake version of Robin since there's more than one Robin and he's the Tim Drake version and then Marshall Mathers is in fact the legendary Killer Croc, who's one of my all time favorite Batman characters ever.

And then if Drake is the Tim Drake version of Robin and Nicki's the Halle Berry Catwoman then you already can guess that Lil' Wayne must be a major figure in The DC Universe too and in fact he's the real life Bane who's one of the top Batman characters as well.

And it's all like it makes sense once you figure it out where at first you might think, "I don't see how any person could be the real life Killer Croc who's this giant psychotic crocodile dude," but once you figure out that he's Marshall Mathers it just all comes together because Marshall just is in so many ways a giant psychotic Killer Croc figure in real life and Rihanna just is this real life Poison Ivy figure and so they just roll together and it makes perfect sense in the end.

Now the real Gotham City is actually Los Angeles, Gotham City is a portrayal of Los Angeles' seedy dark side and Downtown L.A. is the model for how we see Gotham in the comics and it's all a mythic portrayal where it's the same in essence so Bruce Wayne is in the comic a white billionaire and in the real life version a black superstar rapper and Gotham is maybe this gothic city in the comic and Los Angeles is a gothic city in real life when you see its true essence so Gotham City is the true essence of what Los Angeles really is when you see past the hype and glamour. Like Los Angeles is a city of illusion in many ways, it's the center of Hollywood and so there's the red carpets and glitz and glamour but when you see past the illusion of Hollywood and to the true heart of what Los Angeles really is it's really the real life Gotham City after all and New York City is Metropolis.

With Los Angeles, you have two aspects: there's this illusion that it's Hollywood and then the truth is it's really the real Gotham City, and the real Superman reality show sort of shows the seedy underside of L.A. by showing the truth that this place is actually Gotham City from Batman, not the Hollywood illusion it pretends to be in our world.


Now New York City is NOT Gotham City in The DC Universe, New York City is completely Metropolis, people sometimes CALL New York City Gotham in our world but the actual real DC Universe Gotham City is Los Angeles, not New York.

So it's almost like a tale of two cities, one which is apparent and one which is illusory: New York City both seems like the real Metropolis and IS the real Metropolis, Los Angeles does not seem at first like the real Gotham City but once you penetrate through the Hollywood illusion to its true nature it is in fact the real Gotham City, and so this show is in many ways about these two cities themselves, Metropolis and Gotham, New York and Los Angeles.

So that's the basic idea but just a few things:

(1) This was a relatively brief intro to some of the main characters, I already have a full list of the entire real justice league and most major Superman and Batman characters including all three main Green Lanterns, Wonder Woman, you name it. So like I mean we even already have Guy Gardner Green Lantern figured out: The Guy Gardner Green Lantern is Grant Morrison, a famous comic book writer who did The Invisibles, while Sinestro is the filmmaker John Waters.

So you really need to be prepared for this because it really gets wild once Guy Gardner and Sinestro show up because with Grant Morrison as the real Guy Gardner Green Lantern and John Waters the director of Hairspray as Sinestro it really gets out out of this world.

Like John Waters is both Sinestro in The DC Universe and also The Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. Like we already have it figured out who the real Alice is, who the real Queen of Hearts is, as well as The Chesire Cat and The Mad Hatter. And we can tell you that John Waters is the real Mad Hatter and also Sinestro but Alice, The Chesire Cat, and The Queen of Hearts are still spoilers.

And with Alice from Alice in Wonderland, she's a girl from Ireland whose brother is an Irish actor from a T.V. show called Hardy Bucks and he's the real Gandalf from Lord of the Rings.

So like it works like this:

Clark Kent/Superman is also Aragorn in Lord of the Rings.

An Irish actor named Martin Maloney who starred in a T.V. show called Hardy Bucks as Eddie Durkan is Gandalf in Lord of the Rings.

Martin Maloney's real life sister is Alice from Alice in Wonderland.

Now we already have Frodo, Bilbo, Samwise, Boromir, Gimli, Sauron, and Shire figured out. Shire is a town in Ireland called Swinford in County Mayo. Frodo, Bilbo, and Samwise are all also actors who appeared on a T.V. show based in Swinford called Hardy Bucks because Castletown in Hardy Bucks is another mythical form of Shire.

We also know what the real Ring of Power is and who is the real Gollum.

I also have the identities of all the real Avengers, the real Spider­Man, the real Fantastic Four, and the real Loki, Ultron, and Thanos.

Just three minor spoilers: Robert Downey Jr. actually is the real Iron Man and the real Tony Stark.


Samuel L. Jackson is both the real Nick Fury and the real Martian Manhunter from Justice League as Sam Jackson is another cross­over guy who's both Nick Fury in Marvel and Martian Manhunter in DC.

And Stan Lee is the real Agent Phil Coulson as the new Marvel character of Agent Phil Coulson who appeared in The Avengers' movie is in fact Stan Lee in real life.

And then the cross­over from DC to Marvel with Superman is that in The Marvel Universe Clark Kent/Superman is actually Peter Quill/Star­Lord from Guardians of the Galaxy, and his helmet with the red eyes is just like how Superman's eyes glow red when he uses his red eye beams.

So with the cross­overs you're going to have cross­over characters where from the real DC Universe to the real Marvel Universe you have Superman and Martian Manhunter as cross­over characters where Superman is Star­Lord and Martian Manhunter is Nick Fury which enables Robert Downey Jr. to end up in this as the real Tony Stark and Stan Lee to show up as the real Agent Phil Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D.

And then of course you're going to get a real Thanos and I do know who the real Thanos is but that's a major spoiler I can't put online just yet.

Now to start with we're just doing the Real Superman and real DC Universe reality show, we're not even trying to get into the cross­overs to real Harry Potter, real Marvel, real Lord of the Rings, and real Alice in Wonderland but I just want to make sure my personal assistant knows that all the fictional universes have counterparts in our world so they don't get in over their head when it turns out Iron Man is real and The Mad Hatter is real and there's a real Frodo and all that stuff.

I mean, I know who the real Link and Zelda are as well as the real Ganondorf and the real Triforce from the real Legend of Zelda.

The real Princess Zelda is actually Zelda Williams, Robin Williams daughter whose name is actually Zelda, and Link is again an Irish actor from this Irish show Hardy Bucks, and we're not aiming to get into the real Legend of Zelda just yet but it's important that my assistant knows that it exists and I know who all the main characters are and what the Triforce is in real life.

The Real Triforce is actually three girls: one girl is the Triforce of Power, another is The Triforce of Courage, and a third is the Triforce of Wisdom. The Triforce is a mystic symbol of the power these three girls have if they team up and I know who all three girls are in real life and which girl is which Triforce but that's not something we're going to be delving into in these early beginning stages of production.

But just as one last spoiler: the real Ganondorf is Jimmy Fallon. The real Legend of Zelda is like Jimmy Fallon kidnapping Zelda Williams in some way to take over the real Triforce, and it's an absurd story, but Legend of Zelda is an absurd game.

And before anyone asks: there is also a real Star Wars, Han Solo is a Hollywood talent agent from The Kohner Agency named John Coffey and Chewbacca is his pet Bichon dog. So Chewbacca in real life is actually a real dog and it's the dog of John Coffey from The Kohner Agency who's the real Han Solo. And the real Yoda is the philosopher Saul Kripke who actually sounds just like Yoda in real life.

Now the Ultimate Spoiler ever is who is the Real Santa Clause, and it's a complete secret we can't reveal until much later into production, but there is a real Santa Clause and it's the highest level spoiler ever.


So what I'm looking for in a producer's assistant is this:

The main thing is I'm looking for someone who can handle all of this without getting overwhelmed by all of it.

The fact that we're doing a real Superman where all The DC Universe characters are all real people is kind of a big thing to take in and the fact that there's a cross­over where all fictional universes all have real life counterparts is overwhelming for a lot of people so I need someone who can just handle the truth and not be too blown away by it.

I also need someone who can just get that I'm actually just the real Harry Potter and I mean I have the lightning scar and can show you who the real characters are such as Severus Snape who's my old dorm head Townley Chisholm from Phillips Exeter and the reason I am able to do this and figure this all out is actually because I just am the real Harry Potter and this is a special ability that only the real Harry Potter has.

Creating the real Superman reality show is kind of a special ability that the real Harry Potter has, no one else would really be able to do this besides the real Harry Potter and it's sort of been established amongst people in the know that I am the real Harry Potter because all the signs are there so it's not something anyone else is going to be able to imitate or copy.

Like there isn't really anyone else alive who would be able to pass themselves off successfully as the real Harry Potter, it's not a mythic identity that can be stolen, they'd have to have the real lightning scar and be from the real Hogwart's and know the real Severus Snape and no one else can actually do that besides me.

This is meant to just be a fun production to entertain people and it's just for fun and entertainment for everyone, our goal is just to make it a cool magical thing that's not scary and is just sort of magical and amazing.

We're more just about providing top quality entertainment for people, I view this more as a calling because kids are just bored these days because there's often nothing good on T.V. and this is a solution the creative gulch of Hollywood.

The real versions of everything is the ultimate solution to the creative glut that's plaguing Hollywood, Hollywood is running out of ideas and this is the answer to Hollywood's problems.

Now certain people are already sort of "locked in" through their own mythic identities to this project.

So for example, Godric Gryffindor is this legendary figure in Harry Potter for whom Gryffindor is actually named after and he was one of the four founders of Hogwart's.

Now in real life the real Godric Gryffindor is Michael Lynton who is the CEO of Sony Pictures and who is an alumni of Phillips Exeter Academy, the real Hogwart's School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

So Michael Lynton is basically mythically locked into the project by virtue of the fact that the real Harry Potter is behind this and Exeter is the real Hogwart's and Michael Lynton is actually the real Godric Gryffindor which gives him this sort of unassailable and magically ordained position as a major figure in this whole production.


The way it works is that with Harry Potter being the mythic basis of the show's main guy there will just be a major figure in Hollywood who comes from Hogwart's who has some heavy mythic status in Harry Potter which will automatically put him in the project and it turned out to be Michael Lynton, an old alumni of Exeter who is actually just Godric Gryffindor in Harry Potter.

Now that basically sums up the project and what I need in an assistant which is really just the ability to handle all of this and not be overwhelmed by it.

I'm looking for a real multi­tasker who can handle all the basic things that need to be done whether it's just mundane tasks like getting lunch or contacting different people about this or handling budgeting issues or whatever.

I also need a forward thinker who is assertive about getting things done: so for example I don't have any real funding or people behind this yet and that all needs to be handled soon but the main thing was figuring out who the main characters were and all that and the money and backing all come automatically as we just produce the mythic basis for the show in artistic form.

And mainly I need an assistant who can handle the task of finding and acquiring backers and funding for the production.

It's a little bit too much for me to be figuring out who everyone is in reality and organizing the production and also have to be contacting people about finding funding and backers.

I need someone chill who just goes with the flow and doesn't take things too seriously as well.

I like to run a laid back production and not have people being overworked or exploited in any way.

We have the knowledge necessary for a production that can really be great, there's no need for people to be all uptight and flipping out and overworked like they do at some other companies.

This is all part of some higher order planning created by a real sort of higher power that oversees art and mythology and all that, there's no need for anyone on this to be panicking like we have to hurry when this is all part of some mythic magick reality that is beyond any one person's ability to understand on their own.

Last of course is that this job ad in its overall length and complexity is basically a precursor to the level of complexity and length of material that you'll be taking in on a regular basis.

I sometimes just quickly write movie pitches that are 200 pages long so I just need an assistant who isn't overwhelmed by 200 page movie pitches.

I might just write a synopsis for a story arc that I don't have time to edit or spell check that may just be 150 pages so I just need someone who can just you know take a 150 page synopsis email and digest it without me having to edit it because I don't have time for that.

I honestly do tend to write like 30 page long emails on a regular basis.

This job ad is just me writing a rough job ad quickly in the way that I operate, it's meant that to know if you're right for this job you would have to be someone who can read this job ad and be like, "Oh cool, this sounds like a really fun cool project," and not feel like, "OH MY GOD, this is the most


overwhelming and insane thing ever!"

It's not insane to me, it's just normal and regular.

This is the usual level my brain operates on, this is a reflection of the level I'm thinking on pretty much all the time actually.

So basically in a nutshell I just need someone who can keep up.

If you think you can keep up with all of this and it sounds like it would be fun for you then respond and tell me a bit about yourself, just whatever you feel is important to share.


Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
do NOT contact us with unsolicited services or offers


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O•M•G!! I wondered why he used the term "high concept" so many times. I don't think I've ever known anyone who has gotten this high --- high on himself, high on his personally perceived genius (with a total consensus of one), high on his ideas, etc. This person is out there, far outside even mortal comprehension. This was a job offer?

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